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Sexual Jokes, Humor and Quotes
There are a
number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL
convertible.
~ P.J. O'Rourk
Sex and golf
are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
~ Kevin Costner, Tin Cup
"If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter."
~ George Carlin
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The only thing
wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk
to during an orgasm. ~ Author Unknown
Nymphomaniac:
a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. ~ Mignon McLaughlin,
The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. ~Author Unknown
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? ~ Rita Rudner
When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. ~ Matt Groening
Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time. ~ Author Unknown
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Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. ~ Butch Hancock
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The art of life lies in taking pleasures as they pass, and the keenest pleasures
are not intellectual, nor are they always moral. ~ Aristippus
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I think I could fall madly in bed with you. ~ Author Unknown
The big
difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money
usually costs less. ~ Brendan Francis, Playboy
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Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. ~ Author Unknown
We have reason
to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands
for masturbation. ~ Lily Tomlin
Conservatives say teaching sex education in the public schools will promote promiscuity. With our education system? If we promote promiscuity the same way we promote math or science, they've got nothing to worry about. ~ Beverly Mickins
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Sex is one of
the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant.
~ Henry Miller
Pussy Galore:
My name is Pussy Galore.
James Bond: I must be dreaming.
~ Goldfinger
Masturbation:
the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century
it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure.
~ Thomas Szasz
Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing. ~ Charles Bukowski
Free Hughy? No! Free Porn ~ Unknown (60's)
If we define porn as any message from any communication medium
that is intended to arouse sexual excitement, then it is clear that most
advertisements are covertly pornographic. ~ Philip Slater quotes
There is
nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be
very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats. ~ Elton John
It's very difficult to fail at porn.
~ Michael Chabon quotes
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise. ~ Robert Heinlein
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I love sex. It's free and doesn't require special shoes. ~ (Anonymous)
Porn is the
unconsciousness of culture, the libido of humanity."
~ Unknown quotes
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. ~ (Anonymous)
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Tell him I've
been too fucking busy - or vice versa. ~ Dorothy Parker
Sex is God's joke on human beings. ~ Bette Davis
"In high school, I dressed up as every James Bond girl. I was a teenage Pussy
Galore."
~ Winona Rider
Its avowed purpose is to excite sexual desire, which, I should have thought, is
unnecessary in the case of the young, inconvenient in the case of the middle
aged, and unseemly in the old. ~ Malcolm Muggeridge, on porn, Tread Softly For
You Tread On My Jokes
I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading. ~ Anonymous
"Sexual material. You must be 18 to enter. Please read this disclaimer"
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
~ Emo Phillips
Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player.
It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in. ~ Casey Stengel
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. ~ Gloria Leonard
Mission
Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization
produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting
around downloading Internet porn" ~ Dave Berry
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It is not
economical to go to bed early to save the candles
if the result is twins. ~ Chinese Proverb
Chastity: The
most unnatural of the sexual perversions.
~ Aldous Huxley, Eyeless in Gaza, 1936
There's only
one good test of pornography. Get twelve normal men to read the book,
and then ask them, ''Did you get an erection?'' If the answer is ''Yes''
from a majority of the twelve, then the book is porn.
~ W. H. Auden
World Sex Records World Sex News
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Joe: Do you
think that piece of jewelry the Arwen gives Aragorn is a
artistic representation of elf pussy?
Tim: To me pretty much everything is an artistic representation of
pussy. Alright alright.....unless it's part of a dude.
Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection. ~ Author Unknown
The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for
it.
~ Truman Capote
"There's no shortage of pussy- it's just the delivery system that's messed up."
~ Dr. Roy V. Schenk
"Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize
you are only fucking yourself."
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The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down where it
belongs.
~ D.H. Lawrence
Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin -
it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. ~ S.J. Perelman
There is nothing like early promiscuous sex for dispelling life's
bright mysterious expectations. ~ Iris Murdoch
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This is paradise, I'm tellin' ya. This town like a great big pussy just waiting
to get fucked.
~ Tony Montana (Scarface)
I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults. ~ Gore
Vidal
A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation.
~ Karl Kraus
No one has ever died from an overdose of porn.
~ J. Money and P. Tucker
Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled. ~ Harlan Ellison
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar -
I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one. ~ Bob Hope
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Disclaimer
Permission to use Sexdirectoryusa.com and sites linked to it and to view and download their contents is strictly limited to consenting adults. By proceeding and using Sex Directory USA and all links from these sites to other sites you affirm that you are at least 18 years or older, and that you are voluntarily choosing to view and access such sexually-explicit images and content for your own personal use. You are familiar with your local community standards and that the sexually-explicit materials which you chose to view and/or download from this web site are well within the contemporary community standards of acceptance and tolerance of your community for sexually-explicit materials of that nature. You intend to view the sexually-explicit material on the sites Sex Directory USA and all sites linked to them in the privacy of your own home, or in a place where there are no other persons viewing the material who are either minors or who may be offended by viewing such material. You further acknowledge that this directory and its owners are not responsible for the content of the sites that are linked but owned and operated separately.